


It's What Breaks Me

by ajremix



Series: The Weight of My Mistakes [3]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Loss of Trust, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mind Manipulation, Not A Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 10:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14330406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajremix/pseuds/ajremix
Summary: Loose companion piece to The Weight of My Mistakes, set before the Combaticons’ final panel in TAAO Annual. Blast Off’s actions become known.





	It's What Breaks Me

The cell was a bit on the small side for five large mechs like the Combaticons and, inhibitor claws or not, Blast Off was surprised they were left together like this. Not that they were in much of a state to do anything. Brawl had been sullen and quiet from the start though he was rarely much use in the planning stages anyway. Swindle, without having anyone to schmooze, was nearly as useless. Vortex also kept mostly silent though Blast Off could see he was thinking deeply about something. Onslaught, however, was in furious thought ever since Starscream's confession.

The Combaticons had been in their places around the debate stage, where Onslaught had positioned them. Blast Off had watched in growing horror as Starscream confessed and confessed from in the upper tiers. He'd had the perfect position to see Onslaught, closest to the stage, when Starscream admitted to having a mnemosurgeon turn the Combaticons into his bodyguards. Had Ironhide not been next to him, tackling Onslaught to the ground and cuffing him the moment Onslaught had stepped toward Starscream, things may have ended different.

But it was over now. Blast Off quietly allowed himself to be arrested, shuffled from one cell to another until he was here with the others. He wanted to go to Onslaught, wanted to say or do something to comfort him but was too afraid he'd confess his own sins. Guilt and self-loathing weighed heavily on him, even as he was grateful that Starscream hadn't pointed out Blast Off's part in things.

From his place against the wall, Vortex's head lifted, visor bright. "Oh," he said softly, "frag me." Then he started laughing. A bewildered thing at first that then grew into a raucous sound that edged into something angry and hysterical and brittle. "It was _you_ ," he said, turning to Blast Off. "I was trying to figure out how they did it. You can't successfully alter the memory of a tight knit entire group. Too many variables and details that won't line up exactly."

"What are you talking about?" Swindle asked, probably more surprised by the sudden talking than what was said.

Blast Off's spark went cold. "How do you know that?"

He suddenly he remembered that what made Vortex so dangerous wasn't his love of violence or his viciousness. He was intelligent, perceptive, he covered up his paranoia with a blase attitude. Blast Off knew this but he'd gotten so caught up in Onslaught, in _having_ Onslaught, that he'd forgotten precisely why Onslaught brought Vortex onto the team to begin with. "You think," Vortex said and though his visor was lit up in a crooked grin, there was no humor in his vocalizer, "the moment I knew Starscream had a secret mnemosurgeon working for him, working on _us_ , I wouldn't go reading up on them? Like I wouldn't want to make sure they weren't messing with my head?"

"And you read group memory alterations aren't successful?" Onslaught asked, straightening up.

"Yeah." Vortex's gaze didn't break from Blast Off's. "But I was thinking if being a combiner might change that. We tend to influence each other while we're Bruticus, if there was someone on the inside, they might be able to fix the discrepancies in the memory adjustment- explains why Starscream had us merging on a regular basis. But it would have to be someone that could smooth over the edges. Someone that the others would trust. I thought about which one of us it could be. What could Starscream give one of us that would make him betray the rest? What changed before and after we first combined? The only one that got something out of all this," his visor blazed red and his hands were fists, tightly trembling at his side, "was _you_. They gave you Onslaught."

Brawl and Swindle's heads snapped up and Blast Off's visor went pale. "What?" Onslaught's voice was tight. Not yet believing Vortex but all the pieces were on a precipice, threatening to fall into place.

"I knew you were pining after Onslaught since- I don't even know, really. You were chasing him practically since I joined. All of us," he gestured to Swindle and Brawl who nodded, "knew it. It was pathetic. And when he finally made a move, I thought maybe Ons was getting his head out of his tailpipe because I knew, in the back of my mind, that he returned those feelings at least a little. But he didn't actually, did he? Because those _memories_ I have of Onslaught's feelings are less numerous, less concrete than the ones I have of yours."

"I," Blast Off stuttered. Vortex was advancing on Blast Off slowly, engine roaring and Blast Off was shaken because he'd never seen Vortex genuinely _angry_ before. "I..."

"I'll admit, we probably should've known something like this happened," Vortex admitted, tone breezy despite his rotors vibrating angrily. "I mean, Onslaught heading a riot was supposed to be a feint drawing out dissenters, but no one was ever arrested or brought under suspicion because of it. And Swindle playing bodyguard when there's a thousand more profitable ventures he could be doing?"

"Yeah," Swindle rubbed at his helmet, "I don't know how any of us believed I'd do that." 

Onslaught went to Blast Off with quick strides, pushing Vortex out of his way. Not roughly, but not quite like an afterthought, either. There was enough force that said if Vortex didn't move, he'd be knocked down. Vortex let himself bounce off the wall and back behind his commander. "Is it true?"

Blast Off opened his mouth and for a moment nothing came out. He eventually managed to stutter, "I-I did it for you."

"Yeah," Vortex said crudely from the back, "trust us, we've heard."

"Shut up," Onslaught told him, not looking away from Blast Off. "So he's right." Blast Off shrank back. "Do you remember what really happened?" Still unable to speak, Blast Off only nodded.

He saw Swindle's optics flicker to Onslaught, then back to Blast Off and Blast Off knew what he was about to ask. "You, uh, you guys didn't actually do it to save me, did you?"

"No," Blast Off said bluntly. Swindle nodded listlessly before curling in on himself. He had no one to blame but himself. Onslaught had given him chance after chance to prove himself a part of the team, far more than he'd given anyone else, and Swindle threw every single one away for greed. Had it not been for Starscream turning his back on the Combaticons and the damaging information locked in Swindle's head, Onslaught might not have given Swindle another thought after hearing of his death.

"You betrayed us- betrayed _me_ ," Onslaught's voice was quiet and tight and low, "to _Starscream_."

"Woulda figured Ons would be the _last_ person you'd turn on. Guess it's a different story when he's the price." Vortex chuckled cruelly. "If I knew you were _that_ easy to buy off, I woulda tied down and drugged him up for you eons ago."

Blast Off's panels bristled with indignation. "Don't be disgusting!"

"What's the difference?" Vortex shot back. "Not his choice either way but at least you wouldn't have dragged the rest of us into it."

"Shut up," Onslaught snapped again, sharper. Vortex sneered but quieted, settling against the far wall and pointedly not looking at Blast Off. Onslaught stared down at Blast Off for a long, intense moment before biting out, "Why."

"I... it was the only way to get us out." Blast Off's hands came together, fingers twisting. He couldn't remember the last time anyone, Onslaught especially, made him feel this small. "Starscream would've left us to rust. At least this way we could do something."

"We could have done something," Onslaught said tightly, "if I had known. I can't plan if I don't know there's something to plan _for_."

"I was trying to help."

"By letting our enemies violate us? Control us? How is letting your team be _shadowplayed_ helping?"

"I didn't have a choice!" Blast Off blurted desperately.

"Didn't you?" Onslaught demanded, visor flaring bright.

"If I hadn't agreed, we'd all still be offline!"

"And they twisted your arm about me? Refused to bring us online if you didn't also accept a prize?" His tone was harsh, quivering with rage, venting raggedly as Onslaught loomed. "Someone as intelligent and resourceful as you couldn't have figured out another option?"

Blast Off hesitated because, in the briefest moments before he accepted, he _had_ thought to decline Starscream's offer of a 'nudge'. But he'd been weak. He'd always been weak when it came to Onslaught. "They would have messed with our memories regardless," he said weakly.

Powerful hands gripped him by the shoulder, slamming Blast Off against the wall. " _But I'd still be able to trust you_ ," Onslaught roared, pressing in so close that Blast Off's senses were overwhelmed with heat and fury and pain. Onslaught's fingers dug in painfully and Blast Off was so certain the large mech was going to tear him apart that he simply shuttered his optics and waited for it to happen.

A long moment passed. And another. Onslaught's grip didn't slack but neither did he do anything else and, cautiously, Blast Off activated his optics again. He'd never seen a mech look so distraught and Blast Off's fuel pumped seized at the sight.

"I love you," Onslaught said in a wrecked whisper. "I hate you for what you've done but I can't bring myself to harm you because I love you so much it hurts and _it's not_. _Real_." He let Blast Off go, arms limp at his sides and Blast Off slumped against the wall. Quietly, Onslaught just turned away and went to the far corner, arms coming up to wrap around himself as if he could physically keep himself from coming apart.

Everything inside Blast Off was just ruined. He chased after Onslaught because that was what Blast Off always did. "It wasn't just- Onslaught _please_! I was trying to-"

" _I don't want to hear it_!" He snapped, voice raw and broken, shoulders hunched up like he was trying to hide from the world and Blast Off felt his spark break because _he_ did that to Onslaught.

Suddenly, his field of vision was cut off by a wall of green and Blast Off looked up just in time to see Brawl's fist slamming down on him. Blast Off went down in a cacophonous heap and he could taste energon in his mouth. He glanced up, expecting another blow, but Brawl just stood there, as angry and hurt and defeated as the rest. "He was happy," Brawl said, quiet in a way Brawl never was. "You ruined everything." That truth probably hurt worst of all.

Biting back a pained sob, Blast Off crawled into a lonely corner, the furthest from the others, and wished he were dead.


End file.
